Sugar free thankful progress

So I was super on track for 48 hours then I had a birthday party and a works do just making it incredibly challenging. Then went on to work – 10 hours days, which I’d not planned for my evening meal so ‘what a surprise’ NOT! I binged.

So I have decided to be striving for sugar free, carb free and processed sugar free where I can. The blood sugar diet sets out for the person to have 800 calories a day which for me personally is far to low and I recognised quickly that I would binge.

What I love about this season of change is the recognition and protective change I now have for binges. Honestly before I’d had the psychotherapy around this I was ill equipped to deal with the elephant in the room. Binge eating has been harmful to me and taken over areas of my life which I regrettably did not resist it doing so.

But now …… I am empowered, I am aware and heightened senses.

I will still binge I acknowledge that but doesn’t everyone? Over eat excessively. Have a packet of biscuits on a night because you’re bored and haven’t noticed the hand to mouth, chew and swallow action that’s going on.

I am much happier, have much more peace in my life, have recognition of patterns and consequences. I am still morbidly obese in medical terms but I don’t know what I weigh. I think 23 stone. I’ll check let you know.

How refreshing! A couple of years ago, I’d of weighed myself every day, plotted it on a graph, tried to avoid binges however I would of starved myself to the point it would result in a huge binge. I was doing mindless binges where as now 90% of the time I’m mindfully eating.

I am remarkably proud of the progress I’ve made. I’m so grateful to fantastic friends and family who have journeyed with me and continue to do so. I’m thankful to God, whom I feel unconditional love and acceptance from.

Thats me today – thankful

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Going sugar free day 1

A couple of colleagues of mine have been chatting recently about going sugar free, processed food free and low carbs. So after reading around, buying the blood sugar book and procrastinating I’ve finally managed to achieve my first day yesterday.

I have read that it reduces binges which would be awesome. Although I’ve not binged for a while, poor eating habits have crept in the back door and been making themselves incredibly comfort and habitual in some circumstances. So I’m kicking this habits. Embracing more colourful veg in my life and journeying forward.

I think the reason I’m awake now: 04:45 is im hungry. My body is adjusting to no sugar and reduced calorie intake. I’m quite hungry but determined to make it through to morning.

Im following “the blood sugar diet0. I’ve got the recent book and I’m loving the plans bit at the back. It’s prescriptive. Just what a girl like me needs. Although I’m not keen on eggs which is used a lot for breakfast,  I’m quite happy to try other things in it. It’s really odd, it encourages you to have full fat natural versions of food. For a person like me who’s been trying to lose weight for 26 years now, losing that “you must have fat free, sugar free (but replaced with sweetners) is super hard.

I’ll miss sugar free drinks esp Coke Zero. I’ll miss crisps. I’ll miss sweets and chocolate. ……. But!!!! I’m looking forward to feeling cleaner in my eating. There will be days where is harder than others but I have to stick with it. See it through and embrace it.

 

 

 

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Hmm been a while

Well it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.

I guess the big news is I’ve discharged myself from the bariatric service so therefore surgery is not on the plate now. It’s not going to happen my will power and inner strength are going to and are happening.

I’m currently sitting at 22st 3lb. So that’s 11lb loss. 11lb in 11 weeks. I’m okay with that.

I feel like I’ve lost my mojo a bit. It takes planning which I’ve not done as much of. It’s 21 meal choices in a week. 7 of which are taken care of because I have the same thing for breakfast. I did hear once if you fail to plan you plan to fail.

I’m going to sit and plan my week now. Then I’ve got a plan to try and adhere too. Here goes, officially attempting organisation. Whit whoo

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Come on! BMI under 50!!

Wow, I’m so pleased. Lost 3lb at Slimming World weigh on last night. Not overly sure how that happened. But hoorah BMI now 49.8. It’s inching away from 50.

Its days like this that I say, I can do this without the surgery. I can do this without drastic reduction of my stomach, food intake.

I’m impatient and of course I want weight loss now! But I have to remember baby steps will reach the goal. I don’t want to run away with myself.

This is boost I needed after 3 weeks of staying the same or gaining. Happy lady.

Isn’t odd how I sometimes find myself sitting and thinking about binging, enjoying the fuzzy feeling I momentarily connect with gorging on ‘high risk’ foods. I sometimes tell myself to snap out of it but often I indulge in that feeling. Wish I didn’t. Wish it would pass. I am who I am. I’m me. I’m happy, I’m okay, I’m loved 😉

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Masters degree, raised game and binging

About 2 weeks ago I started a MSc alongside my regular job and family life. It’s a huge commitment and a huge amount of work.

Last week I had my first gain of 2lbs. I was amazed it wasn’t more. Since starting this MSc I’ve binged on sweet foods mostly with some regularity which I feel bad about. I don’t want to binge. I don’t want street levels to raise and my consumption of food increase.

I feel like I’ve lost my mojo a little bit! I want to get off this binging merry go round.

I’m planning having today free from study. I want to sort out my fridge and cupboards  I want to batch cook foods for next week.

I’m sick of binging! I need the boost of losing weight to get me back on track however I need the focus and determination. But it’s seems to of run off.

 

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Stress binge

Phew- well two days ago I started a masters degree which involves travelling 100 miles a day, full days study and it would appear general brain overload. Boy I’m shattered and I don’t feel as together as I normally do. Also my colleagues who are on the same course as me need to challenge our employers about some of the course requirements which have made themselves more apparent over the last two days.

Im up to the ceiling with this. Not sleeping properly. Stressed. Worried about the conversation with managers. The lecturers are super lovely and offered to attend a meeting with us and work. There’s a plan but I’ve felt quite out of control.

I mentioned in my previous post, my idea of virtual binging then my husband accidentally keeping risk food and not giving it back to the online shopping driver. Yep massive issue staring me in the face.

So feeling out of control, huge amount of risk food in the cupboards. I’ve binged both nights following course. It’s highly unusual for me to binge in the evening.

On a positive note, I don’t feel ashamed or guilty but I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to binge. I feel sad that I’ve done it. Each day whilst at uni I’ve eaten well but as soon as I get home, and family life kicks in as well as all the information from the day swimming round in my head, I’ve binged out of raised stress levels.

I want to break this cycle. I absolutely do not want it to become a regular occurrence. I need to nip it in the bud. Blogging may help. It often does. Getting my thoughts aired and writen is almost like therapy, like CBT. Cathartic.

So here goes today. Aiming to eat well, make good choices, be aware of risk zones, consider food and whether I want it. I don’t want to binge, I don’t want trapped in this terrible cycle which I feel unable to get off. I’m fed up with this being in my life. I want to regain control and move on continuing on my weight loss journey. I know it’s not easy, but I want to take a few steps further forward.

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Does size matter???

Today I attended my weigh in with slimming world. I maintained which I was happy with as had an unpredictable week food wise. I was silly afterwards, days of denial built up and before I know it, I’ve grazed and binged all day. I must admit I’m nervous as I’ve got loads of risk foods in my cupboards.

I’d had this plan. Order food online, and binge. But cyber binge – I was planning on when the food arrived to send the risk food back. This backfired as I was out when the food arrived and although I’d asked my husband to send risk food back. He didn’t. Don’t get me wrong this wasn’t because he didn’t want too, he got distracted and forgot. Note to self: cyber binging will ultimately lead to actual binging!

Anyway question: does size matter? These past two weeks gone my normal slimming world consultant has been on her jollies. The replacement/ covering slimming world consultants have been lovely and both of them were a UK size 16-18. It was refreshing having some bigger lead the class.

It got me thinking am I size-ist? I think we all probably judge others subconsciously about their appearance. I know I do, which saddens me but reveals an honesty in my personality.  I don’t do it consciously but subconsciously I’m thinking: what are they wearing, please don’t let me be as big as that, gosh isn’t he thin, wow look at that hair!

I would love to say I don’t but I do. These are fleeting thoughts with me and not ones I think about people I know. These are thoughts of the people I pass in the street or see on the train.

But it doesn’t  matter what size you are. What matters is the individual! The person, valuing the person as a whole. That means warts and all sometimes. Jesus calls us to love our neighbours as ourselves. I need to choose to do that everyday of every week or every year.

There’s a challenge!

 

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