Lost in the mist

Metaphorically speaking I am lost in the mist of life at the moment with my eating taking a huge bashing at present.
I got weighed last Wednesday and weighed in at 22st with a whooping gain of 6 1/2 lb in just under 3 wks. To say I was disappointed was a bit of an under statement. More like devastated.
However even though I felt hurt and upset with myself I have not fully gained control of my eating. I have failed in keeping a good diary – first key to success I find. I have failed in avoiding high calorie and fat food.
My husband is a constant source of encouragement although sometimes I choose to take offence at his encouragement.
Recently my husband has started fasting every other day and aiming to only have 250 calories. Now I have to say I do not think it is the way the go. I don’t think I could go with 250 calories per day. However I think I should try it but maybe with a larger calorie amount say 500 or so.
But for now I have to choose slimming world.
One of the reasons behind the mist is a conversation I had with the secretary of my bariatric surgeon. I was due to see them on Oct 7th. It would appear that I will not be seeing them and it could take another 12 weeks for the appointment to come through. So instead of carrying on head down, keeping going, I decide probably more subconsciously to give up and eat. Now I have to say I wonder sometimes because it is like a self harm situation where I punish my body. This is not the way to go, this is a crazy foolish thing to do but I have to consider if this is what I’m trying to achieve.
I do not want to do this. I want to be kind to myself, to actually learn to love myself.
I still can’t see me ever losing 12 stone with out the help of a bariatric surgeon but I simply must embrace trying to lose weight whilst I wait for a surgery date.
Please take note I keep encouraging myself. Please adhere to your goals.
On to a new day, a new time, a new focus, a new way


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