Secret binge eating

Why do it? Why engage? Aaarrggghh. Feeling so disappointed and mad with myself.
It’s now 11 days until my appointment with my bariatric surgeon for a review. I have the target of losing 10lb from when I originally weighed in with them in July 2013.
Sound easy doesn’t? 10lb. It’s only a tiny 10lb.
However anyone with a weigh issue will tell you it’s not easy. It’s a journey of ups and downs, of getting stuck at roundabouts – going round and round.
So yesterday morning I weighed in at 21st 6 1/2lb and last night at slimming world I weighed in at 21st 7 1/2lb. So doing good. Doing well. Getting there.
And today weighed in this morning at 21st 5 1/2lb.
But what to I do? Why do I do it?
After slimming world I find myself being incredibly hunger. Maybe this me thinking the old way. Treat night after slimming world – which by the way is really foolish as you just end up trying to lose the weight you’ve gained in that one night.
So I frequented Morrisons supermarket. Bumped into two girls from my normal Thursday slimming world group. Cracked on with them and caught up. Then went round the store.
1- picked up vegetable samosa – 1st alarm bells
2- picked up a large bag (for sharing) of crisps.
3- picked up a 4 pack of double deckers
4- picked up a pack of two Chelsea buns. MASSIVE HUGE BELLS GOING OFF AT THIS POINT, but I’m still ignoring them.
As I go around the shop picking up lots of low fat yogurts and fruit. I screaming to myself inside ‘don’t do it, don’t. Please don’t do it, it’s not worth it’.
So ignoring that and carrying on I purchase the food, take it to my car and sit in a darkened corner of the supermarket car park and proceed to eat everything apart from leaving a small amount of crisps.
As I drive off I make a mental note of which way I’ll go home as I need a bin to hid the evidence.
I don’t really understand this secret binge eating or emotional eating some may call it. But I know I’m susceptible to it and I have been for a long time.
Now take heart I have not done this in this fashion for quite a while but it does concern me that it’s there in the background.
I want to break free from its chains that bind me.

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