Mind games

It’s only 6 days until my appointment with my bariatric consultant. I’m weighing at 21st 6 1/2 lb. So I’ve for about 6lb to lose.
I know I’m not overly keen to reech the target this time as I’m starting a new job soon. A new job which has completely and utterly rubbish sick leave. If I’m being completely honest I don’t want the bariatric surgery just yet because of this job. But is that foolish? Is that the wrong insight? I want to get settled before informing them I require a month off work.
I will still attend my appointment as its important to ‘stay in the system’. As at some point I do really want the bariactric surgery I know that in my heart of hearts.
I really think I should push myself the next few days. I should adhere 100% to slimming world.
I’m going to stop stuffing my face with anything and everything I can find in the kitchen. To stop purchasing chocolate and unhelpful foods and drinks at shop or garage stops.
On reflection of the job I’m currently employed at present I’ve really had a difficult time. When I started in late 2011, I struggled to fit in the team as it was so established and they made it perfectly obvious that they didn’t want me there. In early 2012 I witnessed some behaviour from an individual in a meeting which I was subsequently interviewed about and had to write a witness statement. The individual that behaved in a difficult and threatening matter was being accused of bullying in the work place. Because I had to give a witness statement which I know I gave fairly, the rest of the team ousted me. It’s simply been like that since then. I’ve found most of the team to be calculating and two faced.
I often wonder how I didn’t lose it and collasped under the pressure. I did going through some cognitive behavioural therapy which was unbelievable helpful. But my main stay was my faith, I truly believe God carried me through and protected me.
So moving to this new job is super important to me and I don’t want to make the wrong impression or ever encounter a team such as I work with a present. Im not sure if taking a month off for surgery will be the best thing initially.
But I need to stop the mind games. I need to stop fooling myself. I need to be consistent in working towards the goal in hand which is being a lighter healthier me.

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