I’ve been busy trying to face my difficulties with food again.
Last time I posted I’d seen the bariatric nurse who’d encouraged me and I’d manage to get down to goal for surgery. However I’m currently 7kg over that goal.
Took my eyes off the goal for a while and also I’ve commenced psychotherapy.
The psychotherapy is really useful but only once a month. So once a month I do a 5 hour round trip for 30 minutes of therapy. In my first session I identified that I binge eat and eat large portions of the wrong stuff. I went away and did what the therapist asked which was keep a food diary and all my thoughts/ feeling when eating. I did that and examined how I could battle it.
I found a really useful resource which I’m currently working through as a self help book. So I’m reading ‘Overcoming binge eating’ by Christopher Fairburn. It is directly at anyone who over eating at times so bulimia, anorexia and binge eating disorder.
By the time I’d returned to see the therapist I was just getting to the self help past. That’s where I am now. On stage one which invokes weighing yourself once a week (I’ve done it twice which is a reduction as it has been every day in the past). Writing a food diary with your feeling and identifying when you binge and why. Having twice weekly reviews with yourself.
It’s hard work but I can imagine it being anything less. I commenced on Sunday and yesterday (Wednesday) I had the first binge in 3 days. I’d been feeling really disappointed as I’ve not been given the pay rise I was expecting. But gorging on a box of maltesers and a whole chocolate orange within 30 minutes didn’t make me feel better.
Logic says ‘what are you doing’, where as my subconscious days ‘stuff it in the faster the better’.
I want to be rid of this behaviour, rid of the coping mechanism, and focus if leading a healthly in control life where food is concerned.