Binge Experiences

Yesterday I’m disappointed to say I binged on pretty much anything I could get my hands on. Crisps, cake, icing, not a great day.

Annoyed with myself as I really want to get that stone award. I’m saying to myself I could still do it but I’m not convinced in my heart of hearts.

Its days like this/that, in which I start to ponder about bariatric surgery again. I’m still not convinced it’s for me but it’s still a weight loss till hanging on in the background.  I see people around town that have had it and to tell you truth the 60yr old woman I know does not look any better. She looks drained, skin hangs from her neck. But health benefits I’m sure are improved for her.

Oh I don’t know what I want to do. I know I’d rather not use surgery as a tool but when I have binge days or binged I just feel quite battered and unsure if I have the will power. My fighting spirit leaves for a while, I become a shell of the person I am, I become broken. I have to rebuild me. I’d love to declare that I’m stronger post the rebuild although I have to be honest I’m not sure I am.

Please don’t misunderstand me it’s not pity talking here, it feels like there’s a grey deep thick must enveloping me, I’m lost. Temporarily.

Its odd, as I know I’m supported. I know I’m loved. I know there is a huge welcome for me and my difficult experiences of the week at slimming world. My consultant is lovely, approachable but will challenge where she is able too.

But this is where I feel I am now. Lost, off the track I should be on. Enveloped by this deep thick grey mist which I can’t see through, and shining a light on it makes it worse. I shall wait for it to pass hoping that I make the right choices which are positive for me. Hoping, praying the mist will lift and I can continue on, pressing on towards the goal of a happier healthier me.

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2 thoughts on “Binge Experiences

  1. Reading your post was like reading my own thoughts. I am, and probably always will be, a binger in times of stress, pain or tiredness. I’ve thought about gastric surgery, even applied through the NHS a couple of years ago, and I have failed every diet I have tried, including slimming world twice before.
    I rejoined slimming world for the third time a little over a year ago, and have so far lost over 5 stone. This is amazing for me, but I’ve had to come to terms with something during the process.
    I binge. I eat bad foods and I crave them and I don’t believe that will ever stop. But it’s okay. I’m not saying give in to the cravings, I’m just saying give yourself a break if you do. Some people diet and they are 100% good and they lose weight so fast and it’s amazing. Some of us take a longer route, but we still get there, and that’s amazing too. You can do it if you set your mind to it, and you can pick yourself up after a set back, if you really want to.
    Have faith in yourself, you’ve got this.
    (Sorry for the super long comment!)
    X

    • Hi Siobhan,
      It’s super encouraging to hear where you’re at and how much you’ve achieved. Thank you for sharing.
      The mist is clearing and I’m thinking I need to plan. I realise often when don’t plan, it doesn’t work.
      Thank you and don’t worry about the length of your message, the content is super relevant and encouraging.

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