Phew- well two days ago I started a masters degree which involves travelling 100 miles a day, full days study and it would appear general brain overload. Boy I’m shattered and I don’t feel as together as I normally do. Also my colleagues who are on the same course as me need to challenge our employers about some of the course requirements which have made themselves more apparent over the last two days.
Im up to the ceiling with this. Not sleeping properly. Stressed. Worried about the conversation with managers. The lecturers are super lovely and offered to attend a meeting with us and work. There’s a plan but I’ve felt quite out of control.
I mentioned in my previous post, my idea of virtual binging then my husband accidentally keeping risk food and not giving it back to the online shopping driver. Yep massive issue staring me in the face.
So feeling out of control, huge amount of risk food in the cupboards. I’ve binged both nights following course. It’s highly unusual for me to binge in the evening.
On a positive note, I don’t feel ashamed or guilty but I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to binge. I feel sad that I’ve done it. Each day whilst at uni I’ve eaten well but as soon as I get home, and family life kicks in as well as all the information from the day swimming round in my head, I’ve binged out of raised stress levels.
I want to break this cycle. I absolutely do not want it to become a regular occurrence. I need to nip it in the bud. Blogging may help. It often does. Getting my thoughts aired and writen is almost like therapy, like CBT. Cathartic.
So here goes today. Aiming to eat well, make good choices, be aware of risk zones, consider food and whether I want it. I don’t want to binge, I don’t want trapped in this terrible cycle which I feel unable to get off. I’m fed up with this being in my life. I want to regain control and move on continuing on my weight loss journey. I know it’s not easy, but I want to take a few steps further forward.